Of Fathers and Daughters

“There is much wisdom and peace hidden in the counsel of a third century writer who, talking to a group of young women, said,

‘Clothe yourselves with the silk of piety, with the satin of sanctity, and with the purple of modesty, and you will have God Himself as your suitor.'”

-Excerpt from “Way to Inner Peace” by Archbishop Fulton Sheen

Our young women are being sexualized…where are their fathers?

I recently attended a high school soccer game, and at halftime, the school band performed, along with the majorettes.  As my wife and I enjoyed listening to the band, I couldn’t help but notice the “dances” being performed by the young women who were majorettes.  As I watched, I became uneasy.  The dances were extremely sexual and the young girls were scantily dressed.  I felt uncomfortable watching them because I felt it was inappropriate.  My thoughts moved to my own daughter who is a cheerleader.  Many of her “cheers” were also dances that were sexualized.  That evening, I spoke with her about these dances and listened to her perspective.  As I assume many high school aged girls would respond, she thought that the dances were more about choreography and style than sexual.  As I further explained my reasoning for my words, she began to understand.  Was I being too critical?  Too overbearing?

Our society today sexualizes our young women and makes them believe that they are free to dress and act as they want – with absolutely no ramifications.  Men in society should have self-control.  Men in society should only be looking at them in the most pure and wholesome way.  Jesus said:

“What comes out of a man is what defiles a man.  For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, fornication, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, licentiousness, envy, slander, pride, and foolishness.  All these evil things come from within, and they defile a man.”

-Mark 7:20-23

Many women today believe that they are free to dress and act anyway they want and it should not be cause for any concern.  I disagree.  My contention is two-fold.

One, men are innately driven to be attracted to the opposite sex and many were never taught to be respectful and to control their thoughts and actions.  Self-control is a learned behavior that comes through faith and learning how to be a gentleman from role models that are gentlemen.  Men have “animal instincts” when it comes to sexuality and it takes a mindset of self-control to be a man of God.  Jesus spoke to all men when He said:

“But I say to you that every one who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

-Matthew 5:28

It is our responsibility as fathers, brothers, grandfathers, uncles, etc. to teach morality to our younger generations.

Secondly, all of us, especially women, should have the decency to dress appropriately, with modesty as our guide.  Even the youngest females today are told they must be beautiful and desirable.  Thus, is it any wonder that our youth strive to be physically desirous?  We, as parents and role-models, have done nothing to change this culture.

Many men in our society do not have faith or God to lead them – they are led by our culture which pushes sex and lust. It’s like putting candy or toys in front of a child and then telling them it is wrong to want these things. Without the gift of self-control, men today are watching these dances and then acting upon their animal behaviors as they treat women as mere objects and not as the gifts that have come from our Creator.

We as a society, and as parents, are offering up our young women as bait – having them dance seductively. Why?  Why do we want our young women to look and act sexy?  Why do we allow them to dress scantily and dance provocatively?  We are their parents!  We are their fathers!  We are supposed to be watching over them – protecting them.  We should be teaching our daughters how to be God-fearing young women who display dignity and modesty. Instead, we promote their “performances” and purchase the clothing that barely covers their bodies. Then we ask why some women are treated as sex objects?  What are we doing to prevent it?

Only our faith can lead our youth to respect their bodies and their sexuality.  We are at a critical point now – one where it is imperative to stand up and defend what is wholesome.

Parents, many of whom must recognize the need to follow the teachings of Christianity themselves, are to set the example and be the parents who defend our children from this imposing immoral culture.

So today, I reach out to the dads.

I ask you to consider this question…

Would you allow any man to look upon your daughter with lust as she dances for him in a sexual manner?  Does that bother you?  If it does, it is time for you to speak up and lead your family.  And if it doesn’t, it is time for you to pick up your bible and read the words of the One who created your daughter.  She is truly His but He has entrusted you to be her father on earth.  He chose you, apart from all others, to be this young woman’s father. She needs to know that you are there to guide her, protect her, and love her.  She also needs to know that her father isn’t looking at other women lustfully, but has self-control as a man of God.

Be that man.  Be that father.

And you will be blessed with a young woman who knows she is beautiful no matter what – on the outside and, more importantly, on the inside.

It’s A Matter of Trust

 
“Christ should be heard in our speech;
Christ should be seen in our life;
Christ should be perceived in our hearts.”
-St. Peter Damian

My wife and I recently had a conversation with our daughter who is in high school.  Among other topics, she talked about her classmates – how they have been dating since middle school. She talked about one young woman who is in 10th grade. She has been dating the same boy for three years. They recently broke up, and she was so distraught she cried endlessly for several days. My daughter believes they may now be back together again, so all is well in this young lady’s life. Or is it?

As we allow dating at such a young age, we allow our children to not only give of themselves physically, as if that wasn’t bad enough, but they give up their hearts prematurely to another. Clearly, at such a young age, they are not ready for either of such large commitments. This cycle of dating, breaking up, getting back together, and so on, leads our children to a learned behavior that they can carry on to adulthood. They will date, as adults, and possibly marry. But if things don’t go as they wish, they will just “break up”. It’s not such a big deal when you’ve been doing it since 6th grade. When you add in the fact that many kids today lack an understanding of their faith, then they do not see relationships, and marriage, as a commitment, but rather just a self-pleasurable experience. If they lose that self-pleasure, they can easily move on to the next experience.

A friend of mine, Dan DeMatte, speaks to the youth at different parishes across the country through his mission, Holiness Revolution. As I attended one of these talks along with my own children, I heard Dan speak to the kids about surrendering their hearts to another when they should be giving their whole hearts only to God at that age. He explained that girls and guys can go out in groups to different activities, but they should be prayerful and patient for a relationship that opens up their heart, their soul, to another.

What examples are we showing to our children, our nieces and nephews, and all of those young people who are watching how we, as adults, handle ourselves in this secular society?  Are we acting as we would like them to act?  Or is it just “lip service”, as we tell them one thing and then act differently ourselves?  Or, do we even care enough to know that they notice?  We will be held accountable for our actions, our words, and the examples we set for our children and youth.

This is expressed in several bible passages:

“I tell you, on the day of judgement men will render account for every careless word they utter; for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”
-Matthew 12:36-37

“So each of us shall give account of himself to God.”
-Romans 14:12

Our children trust us implicitly, for we have nurtured them, watched over them, and protected them for their entire lives.  As a guide leads his party through the deep woods to safety, so our children follow us, trusting in our lead.  But only through Christ can we know which path leads to truth and which path leads to a troubled soul.  Our example was given to us over 2,000 years ago, as Christ was as human as we are today.  Because of this, we do not have to struggle to see in the darkness, nor do we have to search for the truth.  “I am the way, the truth, and the life”, says the Lord.  Do you trust Him enough to follow Him?  Are you willing to give Him everything, even those you love most?  So many adults, and youth, are searching for God in their lives.  For many of them, this need for the truth is not easily discerned. They have replaced faith in God with faith in humanism.

My daughter attended CYSC, a Catholic summer camp for youth.  On the last day of the camp, parents and family members of the campers were invited to attend the closing mass, which was celebrated in a beautiful outdoor setting in the woods.  Before the mass began, there were over 20 young people standing in a line off to the right.  One by one, they stood before their peers and the attending guests, and spoke of their experience over the past several days at the camp. We were amazed and deeply moved by their words.  Some of them relayed that this was the first experience they have ever had where they actually felt the presence of Jesus.  Some retold of how they laid in front of the Eucharist and wept uncontrollably as emotions flooded their hearts and as truth penetrated their souls.  It was one of the most beautiful accounts of witness that I have ever experienced.

Are our children searching for the truth?  Are they hungry for the living word of God?  Do they want to feel the presence of Jesus in their lives?  Absolutely!  And it is our responsibility to them, and to our God, to provide them the opportunity to encounter Jesus Christ on a personal level.

We are only stewards in this life, given the humble responsibility of leading our family members; guiding their steps toward our ultimate goal of everlasting life with God.  As the blind man courageously takes his first steps into a world of darkness, we must trust that our Lord’s guiding hand is leading our way.  Only through our trust in Him will we find the truth; and only in finding that truth will we be courageous enough to lead our children forward.  The choice is yours.  In whom do you put your trust?

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose hope is the Lord. He is like a tree planted beside the waters that stretches out its roots to the stream: it fears not the heat when it comes, its leaves stay green; in the year of drought it shows no distress, but still bears fruit.” 
-Jer 17:7-8

Don’t Walk Past the Flowers

My sister recently lost her husband in a tragic motorcycle accident. She was riding with him at the time on the back of his bike. As is so often the case in these types of accidents, someone turned in front of him and he did not have enough time to prevent the devastating impending crash. Since that time, roughly 4 1/2 months ago, my sister has had to grapple with all of the questions that accompany such a personal loss. She has certainly experienced the varied emotional levels, but, through it all, she has also amazed us with her stories of love and her insights of the pain she is experiencing.

She recalled one such story that happened after a long, frustrating day of work. She was tired and a bit cranky – not in the best of moods. She walked through her back door into her kitchen, then proceeded to continue into another room. At that time, she did not see the beautiful flower arrangement that her husband had purchased for her and set on their table only a short time earlier. She later realized the flowers were there and certainly thanked him for the kindness they bestowed, but as she visualized the memory, she felt badly that she had originally missed those flowers because of her foul mood. She told those of us listening, “Never walk past the flowers. No matter how bad your day seemingly is, you must notice the things that others are doing around you and appreciate every moment.”

The older I get, the more I deal with the difficulties of life. Our lives are difficult…exhausting.
We often walk past the flowers in our lives and take for granted this amazing journey called life.
This brings to mind another story of life and perceived death. Last summer, my wife and I purchased 2 gorgeous Hibiscus plants that we enjoyed throughout the summer. As fall neared, I cut them down and put the 2 large pots in my shed. I figured I would deal with them the following season. As winter turned into spring, I pulled the 2 large pots out and set them in the sun. I fully expected to dig out the old Hibiscus and plant something new. After a few weeks passed, I noticed something amazing. Although the Hibiscus were in my shed all winter where they endured torturously frigid weather, had virtually no sunlight, and did not receive any water, here they were…budding with new life! As the weeks rolled by, the Hibiscus continued to grow and ended up being larger and fuller than the year before! I bring up this story to help us understand that even though we may be going through the most difficult periods of our lives and we do not feel the “warmth”, “light”, or “nourishment” of our Creator, He has placed us safely in His care, waiting for His time – His will, to foster our next steps.

“What we cannot ourselves bear let us bear with the help of Christ.”
-St. Boniface

God wants us to endure with the courage and love that only He can provide. Are you afraid? Are you anxious? Are you worried about your life and those closest to you? Then it is the perfect time to align yourself with the cross. Jesus came to bring His light to our world. The darkness brings with it fear, trepidation, possible injury, and lack of direction. The light dismisses all of those things. If you do not embrace the light, then the darkness will envelop your soul. Unlike the Hibiscus, you will continue to sit alone, wasting your life away.

When Pope St. John Paul II was Karol Wojtyla, he wrote,
“The Son…is the living denial of all loneliness. If I knew how to implant myself in Him, I would find in myself the Love that fills Him.”

My daughter attended a Catholic Youth Summer Camp this past year where she found the nourishment for her soul. She found His love and allowed it to fill her completely. During the closing family mass, the celebrant said, “You know Jesus is real and you know that He died for you personally. Knowing that…what are you going to do now?”

And that is the question that burns inside each of our souls. What are we going to do with the time that we have on this earth? Do we allow the “troubles” of this world to keep us as dried plants hidden away? Or are we to become the bouquet that sits prominently on the table, bringing joy and hope to all that see us?

Isn’t it time to appreciate this faith that you have been given? Isn’t it time to recognize the gift that is your faith?

C.S. Lewis once said, “I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.”

The path of the humble is always uncertain, but the reality of everyday life directly relates to the truths of the Gospel. Learn the truth. Live the truth.

And don’t walk past the flowers in your life anymore.

Because I’m a Dad

As Father’s Day again approaches, I am reminded of what being a Dad is all about.  Many years ago, when I was about 10 or 11 years old, I ran several blocks to a local store to buy a gift for my father.  I picked out a cigar, encased in glass, as my gift.  The store’s owner, aware of who I was, hesitated, but then allowed me to make the purchase.  I remember vividly running all the way home and presenting the gift to my Dad as he was just rising from bed on that Father’s Day morning.  He loved the gift and warmly smiled at me as he gave me a kiss of thanks.  As I think about Father’s Day each year, that memory comes flooding back.  My father has long since passed away, but I think of him often throughout the year, especially on Father’s Day.

As any father knows, being a Dad is often a thankless job.  We do what we do for the love of our families.  Most dads I know don’t think much about it.  They just move forward, doing what they do without much expectation of appreciation.  It’s not that their children do not appreciate them, but fathers are often taken for granted as their children assume that their dads will just “take care of it”.

As I was recently working outside in the yard, I thought about what I was doing and why I was performing these tasks.  “It’s because I’m a dad”, I thought to myself.  As the days rolled forward and the tasks of each were accomplished, that thought was prevalent with each one.  I was cutting and trimming the yard…because I’m a dad.  That’s my responsibility.  I readied the swimming pool for another year of enjoyment…because I’m a dad.  That’s what we do.  I worked all day and then came home to a kitchen that needed cleaned up.  I did it…for my family.  I paid the bills, set up appointments, washed the car, and fixed the squeaky door.  Why?  Because I’m a dad.  I enforced the curfews, filled the car with gas, and carried the laundry.  Because I’m a dad.  I lead by example, I made the hard choices and decisions.  I worried about my kids and my wife.  I prayed.

I write this not to gather attention to my daily activities.  For if we listed chores and responsibilities, my wife’s accomplishments would dwarf my own.  Rather, I write these words down as I contemplate what it means to be a father.  In today’s broken society, fathers are not held in high esteem.  We are portrayed as simpletons on television programs, we are told that we are not needed to raise our children, and we are led to believe that our marriage, to one woman, is somehow not enough for the needs of our culture.  God created us in His image, and in doing so, decided that men and women bring different sets of gifts, talents, and strengths to a family unit.  My capacity and aptitude in handling certain situations are different from my wife’s, and that is good…and needed.

So, on this Father’s Day, I will again relive that memory from so long ago of a young boy’s anticipation of sharing a gift that he believed would please that man who was his role model, his strength, and his standard of what it took to be a father.  And I will miss him…all over again.  On this Father’s Day, I will once again understand my role and take it upon myself to lead my family with determination, resolution, and strength of purpose.  I will do so while incorporating the humility, kindness, and patience of St. Joseph, whom God chose as every father’s guide.  And I will remember why I do it all…because I was chosen by God our Father…because it’s who I am…

Because I’m a Dad.

 

Geno Capone is author of God Matters, In Everyday Life.  More information about Geno and his work can be found at genocapone.wordpress.com and genocapone.com. 

The Elusiveness of Happiness

Happiness is fleeting.  It seems difficult to attain and when you seem to have it in your grasp, it slips through your fingers as sand on the beach.

My earliest memory of being happy was being held in my mother’s arms as she rocked me to sleep as a very young child.  I remember the feeling of safety, warmth, and protection as I drifted off into a slumber.

As a younger person in my twenties, I once believed that all I needed to attain a state of contentment would be the following:

-Enough money to pay all my bills and then even more to enjoy my life.

-A wife and children that would love me completely.

-A large home, expensive cars, wonderfully drawn out vacations.  You know…things.  “Stuff.”

-I expected great health and I knew that would also make me happy.

-And I wanted to own a large, successful business that I would run as CEO.

There it was, my list of everything I needed to make me happy.

Of course I had my faith as a mass-attending Catholic.  I went every week.  Well…I rarely ever missed.  So, no need to worry about that part of my life.  I accepted the “rules” of Catholicism as long as I agreed with them.

Wait a minute…where was the true faith?  Where did God fit into all of this?  Exactly where I wanted Him to fit.  Somewhere in a corner, on a shelf, like that lovely statue you enjoy gazing upon every so often in your favorite room.  Yes, there He was…my God…on my shelf.  Near me, but not too overwhelming.  I had the comfort of knowing He was always there, but it was easy to walk out of that room, into the world, and leave Him behind.  He’ll be there when I get back, I believed.  He’ll be there if I ever need Him.

And I was happy, for the most part.  I was diligently working toward all of my “happiness goals”.  I didn’t know it then, but my sin shrouded every aspect of my life – covering it and keeping me content. And evil loves sin.  Evil?  Yes, there is evil and it is led by the master of all sin, Satan.  He will certainly be more than happy to keep us all “successful” and bloated with “stuff”, because he knows that if we are distracted with the things of this world, we will never find our way through them to Christ.  As you look at the most “successful” people, you must wonder why they are able to enjoy everything that you feel you should be entitled.  Why do their lives seem so good, while yours seems so difficult?  A great majority of these people are either atheist, agnostic, or believers who only turn to God when they “need something”.  There you are, faith-filled, honest, and hardworking, trying to be a “good person”.  Where are your rewards?

That was the place I resided for many years.  I felt I was a “good person” too.  I felt I was trying to work hard and live a good life.  Of course, living a good life meant acting upon desires that led me to sin, but, for the most-part, I was good.  Where were my rewards?

As the years progressed, I began to realize what God had been trying to tell me since I was able to comprehend.  This life isn’t about the attainment of pleasure.  It isn’t about fancy cars, big homes, or lots of stuff.  The elusive source of all happiness had always been right there in the corner, on that shelf.  When I decided to finally dust Him off, I was able to see something so beautiful, so enlightening, so…good.  When I took the time to get to know my Creator on a personal level, He allowed the shroud to be removed and I discovered truth for the first time in my life.  I found God speaking to me in His written word and my world opened up into an amazing realization.  The happiness that had eluded me for so long…the source and summit of all true happiness…the truth in a world of deception…is the Eucharist…and it had been right there in front of me the entire time.

Jesus asked us to help carry His cross.  He wants us to take that walk with Him because it leads to His Father, where we will experience the triune love that bonds the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit into one being that loves us completely.

Take the time to pray to your Creator.  In the stillness, allow your soul to bond with the love of Christ.  Listen, not with your ears, but with your heart.  Feel the love of your Father envelope you.  Happiness is not elusive.  Happiness is inside of you right now, just waiting to be discovered.  And when you find it…when you discover Him…you will smile because you know that there is nothing that will make you happier.

Today, as you open your heart, ask Jesus to fill it with His love.  Then smile as you allow others to see Him and hear Him in your words, deeds, and actions.

Welcome your Father…welcome happiness.

 

Geno Capone is author of God Matters, In Everyday Life.  More information about Geno and his work can be found at genocapone.wordpress.com and genocapone.com.

 

An Act of Forgiveness

“To err is human; to forgive, divine.” 
–Alexander Pope, English poet

Forgiveness.  It is that elusive act that we all believe we deserve yet have so much difficulty living it out in our daily lives.  If you are like me, then you have been hurt by many people during your lifetime.  The individuals or groups that hurt you most were often those whom you loved and trusted.  Those are the most painful of the stings inflicted by deceit, physical abuse, scathing words, lying, and everything else that makes us sit back and wonder why and how someone could treat us in such a way.

As an inspiring author, it took me several years to write my first book.  It was in many ways a personal journey as I retold stories from my life as they connected to the will of God.  I stayed up late many nights as I carved time out of my busy days to complete my book.  When finished, I sent out the manuscript to many publishers in hope of receiving word back that they chose to represent my work.  But, as is all too common in the writer’s world, I was handed rejection after rejection.  The comments were such as, “I enjoyed your book immensely, but we are inundated with submissions.”  Unless you have a title or “credentials”, getting started in the world of writing can be a disheartening experience.  This continued until one day I stumbled upon a small publisher that, up to that point, did mostly editing and cover work as she requested funding up front to actually have the books printed.  After reading my words, she decided that my book would be the first that she would fund completely as publisher.  After the cover was completed and we were getting close to publishing, she emailed me her “edited” version of my book.  Instead of correcting grammar, she took it upon herself to revise whole chapters – in many instances changing the entire meaning of what I was trying to convey.  We parted ways, knowing that neither side wanted to progress in that fashion.  At that point, I decided to put the book aside and concentrate on other details of my life.  Less than a year later, I happened to come across a promotion online for a book with the same exact title as mine – published by the same woman who I had recently parted ways.  I was dumbfounded.  It was as if someone punched me right in the stomach!  I carried anger around with me for quite awhile as I tried to make sense of her actions.  How could someone try to steal away the hard work and dreams of another person?  I was trying to deal with this heavy burden…alone.

I finally took the time to sit and have a discussion, one-on-one, with the only One who could help me sort through it all.  At first, I was doing all of the talking.  Sure, I have heard the many bible quotes that directed me to turn the other cheek and forgive.  Surely though, God couldn’t mean to forgive this person?  He knew her heart.  He knew her intentions.  He wouldn’t forgive her, would He?

That’s when I decided that maybe it was time to listen.  I imagined myself, as a parent, listening to my child as they rambled on about their situation as I patiently waited to give them my advice.  When they finally took a breath, I was able to gently offer words of wisdom and support to both help them feel better and to discern what had happened to them.

So there I was, trying desperately to close my mouth and listen to the words of my Father.  God speaks to us in many ways.  In His written word, but also in the words of His faithful who He inspires by His Holy Spirit.

One day, I was given a message that I knew pertained to me.  It was written by Archbishop Fulton Sheen from his work, The Power of Love:

“God loves everybody, not because everybody is lovable – but because He puts some of His own love into each person.  That, in essence, is what we have to do: put some of our love in others.  Then, even an enemy becomes lovable.  If one loves, everything is easy, if one does not – everything is hard.  As the smallest light beam is but a reflection of light and heat that are the sun, so all truth and all love have their origin in God.  Love, indeed, makes the world go round – and takes it back to its ultimate source, which is God.”

As I gazed upon the crucifix, I took note of the details in the image of the crucified Christ.  He had been betrayed, lied to, scorned, beat, whipped, and finally nailed to a cross and crucified.  Yet, what was His message?  What was His example?  “Father, forgive them…”  

Through it all – the torture and the intense pain and suffering…He asked that His persecutors be forgiven.  I thought of the words that Jesus taught us as we pray to our Father.  “…forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”  Were these just empty words that flowed forth from my lips and heart?  Or was I supposed to be living them in my attempt to pick up my cross and follow Him?

I eventually decided to self-publish my first work and let go of the hurt and the anger.  I gave them to God.  I asked Him to help that woman – to shower her with His truth.  For if you know Him, and you take the time to allow His love to permeate your life, you will experience that beam of light as a reflection of God on the faces of those who don’t deserve your forgiveness…but you will love them anyway.  You will recognize His love in others, in even the most unlovable, and it will change everything.

Go now to your Father.  Ask Him to allow you to see His love in the living souls He created.  Then be His reflection as they will see His love in you.